Birthday

The cool breeze fondly caresses me as I sit on the rocks and watch the waves come close and recede back again in a rhythmic cycle.This place has become my favourite retreat since many days.Away from the maddening crowds and worries of daily life,this is the place where I connect with the remaining vestiges of my privacy and inner calm.

The invigorating evening breeze of the Arabian Sea envelopes me and I am transported back into my own little world.All the eighteen eventful years of my life seem to be restaged in front of my eyes…

I see myself in two ribboned pigtails and a frilly pink frock surrounded by tiny tots in party hats running around and Mom and Dad looking down lovingly at me as I blow out the candles on the birthday cake on my third birthday….

I see myself wailing hysterically as Daddy drops me to school for the first time,holding on to my Mom`s saree with all the might a four year old can gather.Looking at them pleadingly,tears streaming down my plump rosy cheeks,begging them not to leave me alone in that unfamiliar world.These were the first pangs of separation which would pave the way for many more…

I see myself making new friends , playing ring-a-ring-of-roses, fighting mock sword-fights with rulers and pencils as swords, roting A-Z and 1-100 and often mixing up the order in the process….

I see myself graduating to multiplication tables,geometry,battles and invaders and world maps,waiting for that huge cone of ice-cream Daddy gives me the day my report cards come home….

I see myself taking the oath , at the school investiture ceremony as my principal pins the ‘School Captain’ badge onto my lapels…

Im shaken out of my reverie by a sudden spray of salty water.The water is now lapping at my ankles.I again delve into those magical memories…

Dad holding my hand,helping me take my first unsteady steps.Mom beaming down at me as I top my grade in school.Getting rapped on the knuckles for playing Antakshari in class…playing basketball in the rain with friends…holding aloft the trophy for the best inter-school essayist .Cheering along in my living room during India-Pakistan cricket matches…that first crush over the handsome and stylish sports captain in school . Laughing and crying with my buddies at the school farewell,sleeping with the snap of my favourite cricket star under my pillow , slogging it out for the board exams in group study sessions well into the night over endless cups of coffee. Freaking out the day the board exams got over, vacations with cousins, sharing our most guarded secrets, anxious moments in the dead of the night before the results come out…tears of happiness on knowing that I am among the toppers.Watching my parents glow with silent pride as they inform others of my success…hugging my best friend as our career pursuits take us apart.The first experience of ragging as I enter junior college,giving proxy attendance for classmates in weird voices, bunking classes to catch the latest Karan Johar weepie. Studying life sciences with a vengeance while dreaming of donning the spotless white scrubs and togs of a medico,writing numerous exams to gain admission to my chosen medical colleges…and the pleasant shock on knowing that I have been accepted by a premier medical college and that I am another step closer to my long nurtured dream. Agonising pangs of separation and homesickness as I wave goodbye to my parents,preparing for my first taste of hostel life. My first steps into the hallowed institution, trying my level best not to throw up at the first dissection session, burning with fever as my friends get me admitted into the ward alongside the patients who are my case studies,that phone call from the hospital to my parents….

The train of flashbacks comes to a screeching halt here.It is 11:25 pm,a few minutes to go before my nineteenth birthday steps in.I find myself shivering as the blue and white hospital gown flaps gently in the wind. From an aspiring oncologist, I am reduced to a patient in the last stages of a debilitating ailment –leaukaemia. My body is weary from months of chemotherapy and radiation sessions. Mom and Dad put up a brave front but they appear to have aged by many years in the past few months,watching their daughter waste away in front of their own eyes. My sister fills me in on what`s happening in the world outside and we still have our heart-to-heart sibling chat sessions. She jokes about how she would like to trade places with me …be pampered silly…get all the care and attention I have been getting…But many a time I have heard her sobbing softly against the pillow while pretending to be asleep…

I can hear the bells of a faraway church peal. The vast expanse of water suddenly seems to be beckoning me. Those mountains of waves awash in silvery moonlight seem to be calling me to their folds, promising me glimpses of a life beyond. I find myself rising to my feet and walking into the water like a zombie, trying to fathom what lies ahead. I stop for a moment and tuen back, trying to figure out where to welcome my birthday-in the real world or the ethereal. Subconsciously I turn around and trudge aong my way deep into the water.

A blinding flash sears across my mind. I see Mom,Dad and sis beseeching me to come back to them with tearful eyes. I spin around but there is no one there. Just the waves crashing onto the rocks. Is this their identity…? To surge ahead, answering the clarion call of those proud stone giants…and then breathe their last at the feet of those rocks….scatter away into oblivion. But wait…are they not weakening those black monoliths little by little , destroying their pride…corroding them bit by bit.The battle continues till eternity.I suddenly feel lighter and warmer.The waves and rocks have taught me a great deal in their own silent way.

I feel a strength building up inside me. I pledge to fight- fight to retain my sanity and my pride. Warriors die but they die a hero`s death…

I see Dad coming to fetch me. The church clock strikes twelve. I run upto him and hug him tight. “Happy Birthday , my little angel ! What happened darling ? How did you get wet ?” “Nothing Daddy, I`m dying to meet Mom n Di. Please take me home.”
I am reborn again on my birthday…It is my birthday in the truest sense….