Old habits die hard..

These days I`ve been in a fix.Im finding office one queer place.For one Im supposed to call the VP (Vice president ) 'Satyen' ..just Satyen.No Satyen Sir and of course No Satyen Ji.This is something im feeling beastly uncomfortable about.

Ever since I was roughly the size of a Cricket bat (longitudinally!!) , I was taught very lovingly by Mom 'Beta,badon ko kabhi naam se nei bulana chaiye.' So, Dad`s driverji was always 'Kanhar Uncle' or 'Triloki Uncle' ,depending upon where Dad was posted at that point of time.Infact,this instruction was so firmly ingrained in my consciousness that I found myself cringing when I heard statements like 'Mera driver aa jayega...' or when one of closest friends used to say 'Shambhu will drop you,don`t worry'.Eeks I would rather much walk back home from pre-school than hear you 'Shamboo-ing' your driver uncle.At home the domestic help was always 'Lakshmi Didi'.Infact I once gave my own Didi a piece of my mind when she accidently forgot to suffix Didi while calling out to Lakshmi Di.I distinctly remember that my favourite Uncle was someone who used to address everyone with an 'Aap',including his own children.

When our new neighbours moved in,they were this elderly Uncle and Aunty with 2 very handsome young sons,who must have been in their mid 20`s,and a little grand-daughter about half my age at that time.She was promptly inducted into my band of little play-partners ,almost all of them a decent 3-4 yrs younger than me , with whom I used to play Chhupa-Chhupi,Hopscotch till late evenings after school.Now, since she addressed those 2 hunks as Mama , naturally so did I (thankfully, my senses hadnt awakened to their good looks in those days of innocence ;)) .Now, the confusion arose when my Mom started addressing her grandmother as Didi.So, these lads would tease me everyday asking "Hum Mama bane ,ya bhaiya ??" and me poor lil soul all of 6 yrs old would get very confused.

In school,every teacher was Miss ,nevermind her marital status.'Miss Narayan' was my favourite even though she was a much married lady,with a son in a higher grade than mine (and now as i recall,upon whom i had this tiniest crush on :D).When we shifted to another city and I went to Loreto,I came back home after the very first day in school in an incredibly sulky mood.I remember telling Dad "Hume nei jana aise school ko.Pata hai yahan sab ladkiyan Miss ko Naam se pukarti hain.Mrs Sinha,Mrs Bannerjee...No manners!!Aise to Mummy bagal wali aunty ko bulati Hain ..Mrs Kumar karke." Papa just smiled..as usual and 'Koi nei-eed' me.I wasnt convinced and started addressing the teachers by 'Ma`am' which dint last very long and I found myself bowing down to peer pressure and mouthing 'Good Morning Mrs Chatterjee' ...

Every senior in School was 'Didi' and 'Bhaiya'.It was sacrilege if any junior referred to them by their names.In college we were supposed to address the seniors by 'Sir/Maam'.The Sir stuck but the Maam soon transformed to good old 'Di'.I remember when during a smithy session in Workshop at Engg coll. , I was having some problems with the saw.So, I asked one of the foremen to help me out , and I 'Sir-ed ' him much to my friends amusement.After he left,a couple of my friends told me 'Idhar sirf teacher hi Sir hain ,the others are supposed to be addressed as Mr.Venkat, Mr. Kamath etc.' I glowered back at them,not knowing what was I more angry about -asking for help in this supposedly guy-dominated subject (In which I happily managed an A+) or about that piece of advice by my friends.

The shopkeepers,if elderly were either Uncle or Sir(much to my friends` amusement) and if somewhat younger then they were Anna/Boss (even though at times a few of them would get offended by the Uncle or Anna(Bhaiya) and wouldn`t hesitate to state what they took offense at).

I once happened to accompany my friend to her boyfriend`s place for christmas.Both the families were Anglo-Indian and as we entered his house,my friend whispered to me 'Doesn't Diana look lovely in that dress ?'.I assumed Diana must be her boyfriend`s lil kid sister who was running around the hall.But my assumptions were soon shown the door when she hugged her boyfriend`s Mum and said 'Merry Christmas,Diana.You look beautiful'.I stood gaping at her.All the while screaming in my mind 'She could be your future mother-in-law and you`re calling her Dianaaaaa'.I really couldnt get over this for the entire evening.

I remember (with Much fondness!!), when I first got talking with 'A' I used to call him 'Bhaiya' (yeah ! you can laugh out loud :S ), and also took to addressing him 'Aap-Aap Karke'.He was a neat 3.5 years older than me and that qualified him as 'Bhaiya' (though I had anything but sister-like feelings for him! :D).After a few days of gentle entreaties from his side to quit this addressing-mode,one day an exasperated 'A' burst out "I am not your brother,and not interested to be one either ,so will you stop calling me that.And Im not that old u know,so pls from now on stick to 'Tum'".I can just say its almost a year after that outburst and at times i do get these occasional guilt-pangs of 'Tum-ing' him.:D

Now,in the past few months in office im facing this problem of addressing my team-mates by their names.Im supposed to call them just Onkar or Sanjeev or whatever.Now most of them are married a few of them with cute lil school going 'Bitiyas'.I cannot possibly say 'Onkar,could we discuss this issue'.After nth reprimands from him to cut out the 'Sir' , I still havent been able to bring myself to call him Onkar.When I can help it I just quit the addressing part altogether by starting off the conversation with an 'Excuse me..'.

Being a person who always attaches the form of addressing a person,with the amount of respect she has for that person , I really am at a loss about my future course of action , coz in my case old habits dont die hard...they just don`t die at all !!

The haze has lifted...

Papa bird is back from Gujju land and brought back loadsa goodies for Mama bird and Baby bird and expectedly Baby bird can`t stop hopping and chirping day-in n day-out (much to the consternation of the inmates of the nest !)

As is my wont, I subject him to a ruthless I-need-my-answers Q/A session.Afterall he had been to 'The B-school-IIMA',and committed the heinous crime of not letting me accompany him,so he`s got to pay the price. I had expected to be really morose after this session,thinking about all the stuff I would miss,about not taking another shot at CAT , not giving Sweta-the risk taker,the perseverer another chance.I was ready to retreat back to my shell and brood over my decision of taking up admission at XIMB this year itself and putting a full-stop to my Mission-IIM plans.
Surprisingly, I felt so much lighter at heart and so much more sure of my decision.

The clincher being this..
Apparently , on the other side of the road infront of IIMA,there are these shanty-like temporary dwelling places inhabited by some people who belong to the lesser privileged section of our society.They cook out in the open, take bath in makeshift cabins which do not allow them the privacy this activity warrants, and in fact defecate in full public view too.All of this bang opposite the entrance to the hallowed portals of this premier institute.Infact the picture dad took of these two extremes on opposite sides of the road is quite like those pics which shake up the national consciousness in its entirety..remember the tsunami pic on the India Today cover ?)

On one side of the road,enclosed in those much-talked about brick architecture buildings, the best brains of the country slog away,adding on to their already bountiful knowledge warehouse;On on the other side there are these children who perhaps have never pored into a book, will never know what going to school and exercising their right to education is all about.They will continue to live their lives as wastrels , squabbling with each other for their food,which their mother cooks in unhygienic conditions,which has dust as a major ingredient.

What has IIMA done for these people ? Its not as if they are not aware of their existence.Or perhaps this harsh reality is much to harsh to deal with for those upcoming I-Bankers who pocket 1 crore plus salaries and jet-set away to their glamorous careers. I have the utmost respect for the faculty as well as the students of this arguably most respected educatioal institute of our country but the lack of social responsibility in this particular case is really saddening and disillusioning.

I would rather much head towards XIMB which is known in the B-school arena for its social work initiatives , and the work it is doing for rural upliftment; not just on paper (myself being a witness of many of such projects).Giving back to the society being a part of the Big Picture for this B-school aspirant , I can safely say that the haze of uncertainty that had clouded my thought process has lifted away ...and for good.

Contrasts...

This Saturday was one of its kind.It went something like this..

While I`m in the middle of a surprisingly uninteresting episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S ,sprawled all over my bed, I get a call from Shreya ‘Hey bhoi ,Me n neha are at monica`s place …thought we would give u a surprise by dropping down at ur place but then mridul had already told u abt our visit I guess…come over we are waiting for u near Shoppers stop !!’ The next 15 mins were spent in chiding myself ‘how could I`ve forgotten about their visit , rushing through a bath and running outta home half pulling on my jeans and half explaining –half gasping out the fone call to mom..

What followed was absolute madcap fun !! Yakking away all those juicy bits of Manipal-gossip in the auto,meeting up Neha and Mridul (the former dressed up in typical behenji style ,courtesy mridul`s pleas ‘Aaj tumhe suit mein dekhne ka bohot mann kar raha hai’) at Brigade Road, half-gobbling half choking on our food while laughing away to tears at Pizza Hut (Man! We are supposed to be Manipal`s Unofficial ambassadors, and we give people the idea that it must be some Zoo or at best a Monkey Reserve)…

A stopover at Monica`s place to celebrate Shreya`s birthday which fell on 1st April (no less!!)…Now this ensured some absolutely desperate bitching sessions,which lasted till well over 5 am in the morning.Loads of cosmo-femina crap and oodles of sighs,giggles, and as-wide-as-saucer shaped looks when the topic veered towards the sexcapades of our batchmates (yeah ! call it vicarious pleasure or whatever !!).All 4 of us(Neha,Shreya,Mon n yours truly) had so much to tell,so much to know,so much to share…all pent up since the last 3.5 months. Bangalore became Manipal ….

Contrast this with today …
It went something like this…

I get up all coughy and sneezy , drop the idea of going for running this morning which leaves me feeling miserable, on top of that having Dad shoot me those smirky I-told-you-so looks.Cook something not-so-nice for Dad`s lunch-box (not the least bit intentionally!) which has got im-not-feeling-good all over the taste option in its profile.See Dad off to office knowing that he will be back after a couple of hours to fly away to that one place I dreamt of going to, for the past 1.5 yrs.Yeah, Daddy dearest was going for a Management Development Programme at IIM,Ahmedabad for 1 whole week and would hear nothing of me bunking office to accompany him.

‘Daddy Daddy plsss take me alongwith u , I promise I wont disturb your schedule at all ..I`ll just roam around the campus to my heart`s content and then we will come back to B`lore and u can pack me off to XIMB for the next 2 yrs’

Daddy Dearest replies- ‘Li`l one if you have the determination ,why not try for IIMB instead of settling down half-heartedly for XIMB.Then u can visit IIMA as many times u like on ur own merit..they have those nice inter IIM meets u know,and those hi profile corporate talks and….’

Stop ..Stop .. I knew where this was going….

Off went Papa Bird leaving Baby bird morose and sullen and incredibly sulky in their nest..

As a last ditch effort to salvage my mood,I put in a lil bit of extra effort while dressing up .My mood lightening up at the prospect of meeting, ‘the other’ most-important-man-in-my-life,after office. I reach office , rushing across to my cubicle passing by a few upturned eyebrows.Workload was considerably light today..i cheerily complete it up thinking ‘I can leave early to catch a show of ‘Namesake’…My fone rings –

‘The other’---‘Hey honey , is it okay if we meet up tomorrow instead of today..was really looking forward to meet u but just now this colleague of mine invited me over for his bday treat..if u want ill drop it , no probs at all ..’

Me-(in my mind-Don`t gimme all that nething-for-u-darling crap…u forget ,I invented dat !! ) aloud- ‘Nah its okayyyy…absolutely..i also have truckloads of work today ( can`t u see the exaggeration ..can`t u just come over!!)..yep lets meet up some other day ….
Slam down the receiver…giving that last hint ..to no avail..

Just then Boss pings me .. and i`m actually handed out a whole bulk of work ..only thing it would start tomorrow…Why Why Why can`t I finish up a part of it today so that im partly relieved today ?? Why can`t I go home with the feeling ‘Yippie tomorrow`s work is all done with today’…

No one to talk to..though I ‘can’ talk to lotsa people..
No one to meet up with …though I ‘can’ meet up lotsa people…

I step outta office (no spring in step!! As they say in motivational books...walk with a spring in ur step ..Duh uh
) and head to the bookstore.The one place which provides me with solace when im in a particularly nasty I-Hate-Everything mood..Its time I brushed up a few fundamentals of Management b4 I enter the b-school … I`m robbed off 400 bucks for that uninteresting looking book (recommended by my would-be b-school seniors) full of oh-so-boring graphs,charts calculations…

Sigh..sigh.. ‘somebody is partying…somebody else is floating about in this book-store All Alone !!’

I ask the sales-boy for a copy of the ‘Namesake’ (had been really wanting to have a go at it ..since ages after having to listen to stuff like-‘ U have`nt read the Namesake and u call urself an avid book lover/reader ..huh’ )..

‘Sab copies khatam …stock over Ma`am’ ...

Damn …..

I storm out clutching that godawfully heavy management tome and trudge back home…

I soon discover no one`s home ..Mom`s taken this temporary freedom of hubby`s-not-home-so-i-can-visit-all-my-girlfriends too seriously and isn`t back home yet..

Now im missing my daddy cum after-office-talkathon-buddy terribly… ‘the significant other’ is stashed away to an insignificant corner of my mind (temporarily though!!)

The fridge is also stocked with such uninteresting edibles that I quickly slam it shut …

Dad texts me ‘ Reached the IIMA campus..the girls here look so much like u’…Now this was really too much to take in a span of less than 24 hours..

I settle down with this very dangerous looking concoction of pista-butterscotch-strawberry mish-mash icecream topped with generous helpfuls of Bournvita ( concocted by your truly !!) and sit down and type all of this out in ..lets see 20 mins flat !!

Feeling much better now…